I've decided to dedicate a post to why some people think that it is appropriate to ask certain questions. Only recently have I begun to experience this domain of humanity...and frankly, it's quite amusing. There are multiple facets, which I would like to cover.
For a bit of background, I starting noticing The Questions shortly after I found out I was pregnant. Actually, a bit before when one of my close friends "started showing". For some odd reason once you're pregnant (and certainly when you're showing) many people feel it's their right (or maybe just a good conversation point?) to bring up rude questions. Questions such as:
1. Are you pregnant? Or "Congratulations!!!" without asking anything.
Sure, I may be pregnant, but if I haven't said anything, then maybe it's that I'm not publicizing it yet (or ever). Or maybe I've just gained some weight, or ate a really big meal, or are wearing a shirt that makes me look pregnant for some reason. Basically, if the answer isn't "yes," then the questioner is going to feel really awkward and if the answer is "yes" then you're probably wondering why I haven't told you...so here comes Question 2.
2. Was it planned or unplanned?
WHY IN THE WORLD DO YOU THINK THIS IS ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS? Why does this matter to you? Why do you care? How do you even have the chutzpah to ask this? Whether you're my mother or a random person on the street, what is, is. Seriously, there's already a baby in there. For people that may be considering other options, I'm sure they'll let you know IF THEY SEE FIT! So basically, it's beyond rude. I've been asked this by my doctor, my friends, and even family members. Not sure if they're just nosy or just inadequate small talkers. If I'm happy about the baby, you better be, too! And if I'm not, I need some encouragement, not nosy questions!
As a follow-up, my doctor asked me Uncomfortable Question #2 after which he said, "Congratulations!" I couldn't stop laughing with my mom after when we were joking "Well what he would have said if I said it was unplanned?!" And by the way, my obgyn never asked that, just the primary physician. So it's not a required question and I'm sure it was my age talking. If I was 10 years older, I doubt he would've asked that. My friends and family, on the other hand, are a different story...
3. Unsolicited Rude Advice
So it's not exactly a question. But it's still just as rude. After Doctor #1 comes in (see above), Doctor #2 makes an appearance just to tell me that I need to take time off since "babies are hard". No way! I thought having a baby was going to be a walk in the park. I was expecting to sleep more than ever before! I was expecting to have no extra work on my hands! But excuse me, just because I'm not a doctor (yet) doesn't mean I can't think for myself. I feel sorry that I even felt I had to justify my plans. Frankly, my plans on how I'm going to care for my child (something women have been doing...well forever) is NONE of her business. But even after my well-thought out justification, she felt the need to continue pushing her opinion down my throat. Well, you know what, I just want to say that I can take care of my baby, thank you very much. And that thankfully, I have the energy to do it right now and a great support system. (This was just one example...I'm sorry to say I have many more.) So please, unless I ask for advice, don't give it. It's just mean.
I apologize for the harsh tone taken in some of this post. As you can see, I'm beyond frustrated with questions. I hope someone out there will be asked one less uncomfortable question (and someone else will get one less uncomfortable response) due to this post.
Thanks for reading!
